THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S BEHIND MY SMILE!

I choose not to tell them, because I don’t want to be a burden to them. I know they already have problems of their own, and I don’t want to bother them or bring them down even more with my own problems. After all, they are MY problems, there’s no reason for me to just be throwing it at them. I don’t want to bring them down, I see them happy, laughing, having fun, I don’t want to ruin that, I don’t want to be insensitive. They don’t deserve it, its not their problem, why should they be affected by it? and I’ve already tried telling them my problems before, it didn’t make me feel any better, it just made me feel even worse, knowing that I brought them down, and I brought myself down too, I was hurting again, when I tell them my problems I hurt even more, I would remember the pain I felt and it would hurt more. I was never a fan of negativity. Ive always been the positive girl, whenever problems arise, just throw on a smile and say “this is one of the easiest days of my life”. Being the positive girl, its not just something you’re born to be, it’s a choice. I choose to be positive, because I don’t want to get hurt. Because when you’re positive, you don’t really feel the weight of your problems, sure they’re still there, but they don’t hurt as much. I’m an escapist, and being happy and laughing a lot, is my way of escaping the hurt. I don’t feel hurt anymore, the only pain I feel is the pain I get from laughing too much. But I don’t like it when people get mad at me for being too loud and laughing too much, they just don’t know this is my only escape, to feel alright again, they just don’t get it. They don’t know what I’m going through, and I don’t want them to know. I don’t want to get pity, I want to be strong and stand on my own, face my own problems on my own. Because once I’ve solved that problem, I feel good inside knowing that I am strong enough. I’ve faced my problems like a grown up. I AM STRONG!